Hump! 2011

HUMP! 2011 : another slutastic adventure for porn-lovers! This film festival fills me with the warm-fuzzies. Big Bananafish love to the wildly imaginative work received by a wildly enthusiastic audience Saturday night. A few things have changed over the years in Portland. As that first crowd shuffled into Cinema 21 for HUMP! 5 there was a tension in not knowing if we’d spy a friend or neighbor a few rows away never mind on screen. By HUMP! 6 we raced in with joyful anticipation (mine cut short due to a certain ambulance ride I’m not supposed to mention, which we’re still paying for). But this year marked a huge leap forward for the Northwest’s best and biggest amateur porn film festival.  HUMP! 7 had sponsors (Ninkasi Brewing Company and She Bop), beer, and a rush ticket line! Portlanders do love our independent porn and all the more when it’s locally produced.

My band of cohorts included twelve virgins and four veterans. We laughed, gasped and cheered for the wonderful, ambitious, naughty artists who brought us their brave new works. When it was over we agreed with hundreds of other buzzing audience members that Best In Show should go to Teenage Dream (a Glee-inspired spoof involving a nerd, a locker room and a naked basketball team). Other festival favorites were Mythical Proportions (in which real women confront and dispel the shame of their passion for Centaurs with the aid of crude stop motion magic), Go Fuck Yourself (Tom is visited by his future self who says they must fuck in order to save the universe), and One Night Only (Dance-Diva extraordinaire, Waxie Moon, in a beautiful tribute to the allure of so-many-penises and so-little-time). No anal hooks again this year. There was a funnel, but knowing it was staged somehow undermined its gasp-factor (better to leave us guessing next time). Instead of talking about what made each film interesting (Atari joysticks, lightsabers, a chinchilla, donut filling, a knife) – for dirty details click here and/or here – I have a few small requests for the organizers of Hump! 2012…

– A census form. I want to know who we are, because A. it’s fascinating, and B. I’d like to be able to spew some official HUMP! data at future dinner parties. If we can handle those uncomfortable pencils I’m sure we can manage another piece of paper or, better yet, print on the back of the ballot sheets and have people  fill them out before the show, results to be published along with the festival winners.

– Better tee shirts! It’s not that I want my HUMP! love enshrouded in secrecy, but can’t you come up with a clever logo that would enable me to show my support without having to explain it to my children? Some of us have reasons to be discreet (“I Got HUMPed!” doesn’t work in the class room for example), but we’re every bit as humpthusiastic as the next perv.

– An archive of links to HUMP! films (for filmmakers who choose to go public) because, seriously, I cannot search for them without falling down a porn rabbit hole.  A little help, please.

– Novelty items. Here’s the thing. I realize this is a dear, sweet, independent festival; I’m not suggesting anyone commercialize the fucker with tchotchkes from China. All I’m saying is I like to spread the word by gifting far-away peeps, peeps who want to get their HUMP! on, but can’t. More tee shirt choices just might do the trick, but I’m not opposed to a coffee mug either.

That’s about it.

During the year I’ll be fantasizing about all the amateur porn films I’d like to write and direct, hashing-out concepts with friends over beers and texts, discussing ethical casting practices, and eagerly awaiting word of HUMP! 2012.  In the meantime, keep those cameras rolling, Humpers – your sex-genius mini-porn might be only a few strokes away!