Tooth Fairies / We Suck

Poor D.  For the second morning in a row she’s awoken utterly befuddled because the tooth fairy did not take her tooth or leave a dollar.  It’s because she has terrible, terrible tooth fairy!!!!!  I was raised in an absolutely chaotic family yet the tooth fairy never ever forgot me.  Not even once.  TC never had an incident like this either.  I can’t imagine what it’s like to have such a horribly unreliable tooth fairy who leaves lame excuses hastily written on scraps of paper which somehow appear under her pillow after breakfast even though she thoroughly checked her pillow beforehand.  And this isn’t the first tooth her tooth fairy has has forgotten.  She forgot a couple of years back.  Poor D spent all day trying to figure out what she did wrong.  It’s bad enough D has a frugal tooth fairy, a tooth fairy who (unlike some of the other high-rollers in class) gives only one dollar per tooth and insists on taking the tooth rather than just paying- out and letting her keep the tooth to show off at school.  Some of her classmates are raking-in $5, $10 or $20 per tooth – in this economy. It’s outrageous.  There are precious few years left to indulge this odd tradition.  The least we could do is keep it pure.  Instead we’ve sullied it with our absented-minded exhaustion and disorganization.  There is only one thing to say here: WE SUCK!!!!!  And don’t tell us we don’t, because everyone remembers the tooth fairy.  Everyone!  A kid from music once told me he was visited by the Mexican tooth fairy.  His parents managed to sober-up from their intoxicating, sun-drenched Mexican trance long enough to see it through.  And this is only our first group of teeth!  What will become of the other children?

Maybe they’ll just take a check.

We are horrible parents.


7 responses to “Tooth Fairies / We Suck

  1. Oooh. You do suck.
    Maybe we should start a tooth fairy fund for the others?
    Heck, I’ll even volunteer my time to man the phones for all the call in donations.
    Or maybe I’ll send D some anonymous tooth pledges in the mail.
    …she’ll be like my Africa child. For a mere dollar a day you can save a child from a lack of magic in their lives…. (excuse the un-pc rant. I have the flu and high fevers make me nutty)

  2. have you ever read the book THROW YOUR TOOTH ON THE ROOF ? it is a cute book about the traditions that are followed around this transition of teeth. maybe this could give some excuse to your fairy’s so-called negligence? maybe d’s fairy is actually from portugal and it just takes longer to get here! and furthermore, is confused by the tooth being under the pillow? a good lie deserves greater, larger lies. i say go for it.

  3. Atty found all his teeth in a dish on our mantle. I couldn’t bring myself to part with them…
    I told his that I bought them back, because I couldn’t bear to part with them..
    he looked at me sideways and i said
    “the tooth fairy doesn’t bring money to kids who don’t believe in her.”
    that was the end of that.
    now, who is the terrible parent? Maybe it is something with twins:)

  4. I say just put this event on the list with the Christmas Tic Tacs and move on.

  5. See if you can find a lump of coal and leave it with instructions for D to save it and put it in her stocking at X-mas.
    Two problems solved!!!

  6. Very funny, G4. 2Kool is mean enough to remind me of the horrible Christmas when we relied on my parents’ excessiveness, believing the package my mother kept referring to would be filled with the usual hundred big gifts, only to receive an envelope on Christmas Eve with several gift cards inside. Talk about backfire. The only thing we’d bought was a superman action figure. The stores were out of control and our tree was bare. It was our most desperate hour. We resorted to wrapping a packet of Tic Tacs and Fruitleathers. A sad, pathetic sight indeed. In the morning D raced downstairs. She blinked her eyes, scratched her head and said, “I don’t think Santa came… No, he didn’t. It’s just the same as when I went to bed…” No, darling, look! Fruitleather and teeny tiny Tic Tacs! Eat as many as you like, Sweetheart – Merry Christmas, Everyone!

  7. Freaking hysterical! Tic Tacs and fruitleather!
    One year we went to my aunts for Christmas and my mom forgot all our stocking stuffers. My cousin got up in the middle of the night and wrapped oranges and odds and ends she found laying around. I saw her, but I never said anything, because I thought it was the sweetest thing ever. The kindness of my cousin who was one year younger than me filled my little heart even though I was like 8. I will always remember that.
    It doesn’t always go like you hope, that’s what makes the memories and the funny stories later.
    If you were perfect parents and dollars were always left for teeth and presents always in abundance under the tree, what would you talk about?
    Will D remember all the perfect holidays or will she remember and chuckle about the ones gone awry? My guess is the latter.
    You are providing your children with a lifetime of things to remember and laugh about.
    Good Job.

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