Poor D. For the second morning in a row she’s awoken utterly befuddled because the tooth fairy did not take her tooth or leave a dollar. It’s because she has terrible, terrible tooth fairy!!!!! I was raised in an absolutely chaotic family yet the tooth fairy never ever forgot me. Not even once. TC never had an incident like this either. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have such a horribly unreliable tooth fairy who leaves lame excuses hastily written on scraps of paper which somehow appear under her pillow after breakfast even though she thoroughly checked her pillow beforehand. And this isn’t the first tooth her tooth fairy has has forgotten. She forgot a couple of years back. Poor D spent all day trying to figure out what she did wrong. It’s bad enough D has a frugal tooth fairy, a tooth fairy who (unlike some of the other high-rollers in class) gives only one dollar per tooth and insists on taking the tooth rather than just paying- out and letting her keep the tooth to show off at school. Some of her classmates are raking-in $5, $10 or $20 per tooth – in this economy. It’s outrageous. There are precious few years left to indulge this odd tradition. The least we could do is keep it pure. Instead we’ve sullied it with our absented-minded exhaustion and disorganization. There is only one thing to say here: WE SUCK!!!!! And don’t tell us we don’t, because everyone remembers the tooth fairy. Everyone! A kid from music once told me he was visited by the Mexican tooth fairy. His parents managed to sober-up from their intoxicating, sun-drenched Mexican trance long enough to see it through. And this is only our first group of teeth! What will become of the other children?
Maybe they’ll just take a check.
We are horrible parents.