Every October I get strep throat and it is an absolute nightmare. For the last three nights I take only little catnaps. The best position to keep my airway from collapsing is face-down on a massage table, but I don’t have a massage table and my enormous breasts would prevent me from doing so anyway. My tonsils are so inflamed that when I drift off to sleep, my airway closes and wakes me. It’s horrible. I startle awake and think, “Oh, I just slept!” but then I look at the clock and only five minutes have elapsed. They gave me vicodin which I wouldn’t even take for my c-section because it leaches into breastmilk, but this pain affects my eating, sleeping, hearing, talking so I agreed to take it just for bedtime. I was nauseous all night. Trash barrel by the bed nauseous. Sucks. Plus, I’m starving. Only two pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. Whoo-hoo for the starvation diet. I never knew those chalky Ensure drinks could taste so good. I’m only able to drink tiny sips at a time. Ice cream isn’t even working. But calories are critical to keeping my milk supply adequate.
People discovered what a major germ-phobe I am when the babies were born. I didn’t want anyone to touch them, breath on them – even looking at them was dicey. (This was only half due to my phobia, the other half was pure selfishness. Now that they’re older I don’t mind the germs.) But in five years I’ve taught music the only year I didn’t get this illness was when I was pregnant. People in my classes were hyper-health-conscious, washing their kids hands at every turn. It was great. But now, minus the gianormous belly, nothing distiguishes me from the other exhausted parents. The other day a child (one of many) had her finger up her nose the entire class. I was in the middle of singing a peek-a-boo song and my eyes were covered, when she jammed the offending fingers straight into my mouth. The horror, the horror! I’m sure I went green, but I downplayed it as to not give her a complex.
Here’s the thing. I’m all for nose-picking (this is sounding familiar – I may have written this somewhere already). I don’t believe it’s an accident that fingers are precisely the right size for nostrils. But nostrils are important little germ chambers. They catch the worst offenders and prevent them from entering our bodies. Most of us have spinal meningitis lurking in our noses! Ew. Pick-away, Little Ones, but for the love of all that’s holy, wash those grimy little fingers before you dot your nasty booger-germs along handrails, pencils, toys, walls, seats or God forbid, my mouth! Blech.