Television: A Love/Hate Relationship

We’ve had some interesting (if not disturbing) television energy as of late.  Years ago my mother was so frustrated by not being able to see the images on our small tv, she bought us a new one.  (This is a pattern with our guests which works to our advantage as they often buy us things like new vegetable peelers, salad bowls, scissors, umbrellas or in this case, a television.)  When the tv broke three years later my parents insisted we take it back to Costco because their return policy guarantees full satisfaction.*  “It doesn’t say anything about a time limit,” my dad said.  “Don’t worry about it, I’ve seen people return half-eaten pot roasts!”  Sure enough they took it back.  We waited it out another three years until the flat screens came down in price and our refund card could fianally pay for one.  How slick it looked in our living room!  How wide!  Professional!  We couldn’t wait to watch it.  With the kids in bed and the kitchen a mess, we dug in.  But then, pixels – I could see them.  To keep it clean our shows had to be watched in a little square shape.  That’s why Costco has two thousand signs stating that in order to get the picture quality seen in the store one must purchase High Definition. 

TC couldn’t take more than a few days of my complaining.  He consolidated our phone, email and cable in order to make high def pay for itself.  This time when we dug in we discovered that the rumors are true – not many stations broadcast in high def.  A few, way down the line, but that’s it.  The worst part was that Red Sox were beating SF on NESN while our package only gives us ESPN.  I was forced to watch the Yankees.  Then came the incident with HBO’s new series Flight Of The Conchords.  It had such promise, but ended up having the stank of a student film I did back in 1990.  My apologies to Susan B – would that I could refund the thirty minutes you were willing to invest on my recommendation.      

This all goes back to the simple fact that I should be reading books not watching television!  I’m in need of a life-changing book.  Something juicy, thought-provoking, dark yet enlightening, heathenish yet spiritual, filthy but pure.  I want it all.  Maybe that’s the larger issue in play here.

* All Costco televisions now come with a giant sticker across the front saying 90-Day Return Policy  


8 responses to “Television: A Love/Hate Relationship

  1. Oh that sucks! You’re being held hostage by Hi-Def!
    Sorry Shannie B.
    No worries and no need to apologize about Flight. I taped it and have not watched it yet. Was going to tonight–but will opt for Entourage instead. Thanks for the warning!!!

    So can you return the TV???? Wasn’t sure on the timeline here…But seems you should get a nice old analog at a garage sale!

  2. Have you read David Foster Wallace’s “Infinite Jest”? Might well fulfill what you’re looking for. Plus it’s like 1100 pages long, so it’ll keep you occupied for a while. A big amazing hilarious novel about addiction and entertainment and American culture-rot.

  3. Christpher Moore wrote a book called “The Gospel According to Bif.” It is hilarious. This Will make you fall in love with reading again. It’a about the best friend of Jesus who was a trouble maker and didn’t manage to make it into the bible:) Read it. It’s great. I love Infinite Jest but good luck lugging that around.

  4. “The Canterbury Tales” is exactly what you described – it has humor and depth, filth and spirituality but may be a little more work than one normally puts into summer reading.

  5. Ooo, most intriguing – two for “Infinite Jest”

    Thank you for this valuable feedback!

  6. Magical Sarah

    the first title that comes to mind is “eat, pray, love” by elizabeth gilbert. you will eat this book up. funny though, when i tried thinking of the title, one from years ago popped up – “sex, death, enlightenment”. similar storyline, actually, now that i think about it. i guess you can see what’s important to me – and how it’s evolved over the years! happy reading. and ofcourse, dont be ridiculous – the final harry potter comes out next month.

  7. The Bible
    Preferably the original

  8. the bible?? Now there’s an entertaining story.
    Well, I am going to lend you the book I just read once I get it back. It gets no better than a drag queen who falls in love with a male prostitute. It has love, heartache, filth, it is thought provoking, tragic, humurous and one could say spiritual in that drag queen kind of way. Awesome book.
    I just don’ t know what’s wrong with me lately. I just can’t read anything that isn’t funny, full of sex and maybe some tragic love between two fucked up people.
    If it can’t be read while in the bathroom, I don’t want it.
    I just can’t pretend to be interested in anything else right now. I just nod my head when people suggests these “great” books to me all the while thinking, when is that damn Sedaris gonna write a new one?


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