We’ve had some interesting (if not disturbing) television energy as of late. Years ago my mother was so frustrated by not being able to see the images on our small tv, she bought us a new one. (This is a pattern with our guests which works to our advantage as they often buy us things like new vegetable peelers, salad bowls, scissors, umbrellas or in this case, a television.) When the tv broke three years later my parents insisted we take it back to Costco because their return policy guarantees full satisfaction.* “It doesn’t say anything about a time limit,” my dad said. “Don’t worry about it, I’ve seen people return half-eaten pot roasts!” Sure enough they took it back. We waited it out another three years until the flat screens came down in price and our refund card could fianally pay for one. How slick it looked in our living room! How wide! Professional! We couldn’t wait to watch it. With the kids in bed and the kitchen a mess, we dug in. But then, pixels – I could see them. To keep it clean our shows had to be watched in a little square shape. That’s why Costco has two thousand signs stating that in order to get the picture quality seen in the store one must purchase High Definition.
TC couldn’t take more than a few days of my complaining. He consolidated our phone, email and cable in order to make high def pay for itself. This time when we dug in we discovered that the rumors are true – not many stations broadcast in high def. A few, way down the line, but that’s it. The worst part was that Red Sox were beating SF on NESN while our package only gives us ESPN. I was forced to watch the Yankees. Then came the incident with HBO’s new series Flight Of The Conchords. It had such promise, but ended up having the stank of a student film I did back in 1990. My apologies to Susan B – would that I could refund the thirty minutes you were willing to invest on my recommendation.
This all goes back to the simple fact that I should be reading books not watching television! I’m in need of a life-changing book. Something juicy, thought-provoking, dark yet enlightening, heathenish yet spiritual, filthy but pure. I want it all. Maybe that’s the larger issue in play here.
* All Costco televisions now come with a giant sticker across the front saying 90-Day Return Policy