If I Were A Single Mom

– All my time would be spent balancing work with parenting, activities, school, home, etc., and the vast majority of my paycheck would go to childcare.  I’d want to see my children more.  I’d lack the time, energy and resources to write.  Maybe I’d move back to Boston.  But this too has its price.  Still, Boston is the only place where my mother, mother-in-law and father-in-law could take the kids if not once a week then for long weekends here and there.  I can’t even imagine!     

– This house would definitely NOT have dogs, hermit crabs, sea monkeys, plants or a yard with grass.  We would have pet rocks and a wild bird feeder (which I’d never remember to fill).    

– I’d take less showers.  Or wait, maybe I’d take more showers because I’d be seeing men in a whole new light.  Maybe I’d buy a gym membership and better clothes with money I don’t have.  Or more realistic…  

– With nobody here to talk smack about my reese’s dependency I’d weigh over three hundred pounds.           

– My house-keeping stanards would fall very, very low.  Borderline health hazard.  I’d make no apologies.    

– The car would have a lot more than raw oats scattered like confetti all over the floor.   

– I’d learn to let my children carpool with select families.  It’d be a courageous act of “Letting Go” whilst being practical, cooperative and good for the environment.

– Fast food would become a staple in our lives. 

– The girls would be allowed to eat hot lunch at school.  Every other day they’d bring cold prepackaged, high-preservative food products like Lunchables – hey, they don’t call it convenience food for nothing.         

– I’d buy a lot more batteries. 

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7 responses to “If I Were A Single Mom

  1. Here are mine:
    -The girls would have more chores: sorting and putting away laundry, unloading the dishwasher, wiping out the sink and tub, sweeping the floor. And then it’s corollary:
    -My house would never be as neat as it is now.
    -Trips to the grocery store would be replaced by online grocery shopping (safeway.com and drugstore.com)
    -I would eat a lot more cereal, especially for dinner.
    -The girls would tire of hearing “When do I get ME time?” (Oh, wait, that’s true now, too.)
    -Skills I would acquire: wiring an outlet and switch, fixing a leaky faucet, caulking.
    -Two final words: Parliament Lights.

  2. Because it’s you, I assumed that Parliament was a style of lighting. I soon realized it’s the dirty little secret of the V3.

    Not so much a skill, but if I were single I’d like to be less fearful of 1. chainsaws
    2. walking on my roof. That way I could trim trees and powerwash the moss off of my house. I imagine both to be empowering.

  3. mommys rock! Single or not!

    If you were a single mom does that mean I would not have gotten my easter basket:(

  4. No easter basket, is right. How E Train managed to send stacks of baby photos and 13 years worth of nice clothes is a mystery.

  5. This entry is hysterical, and the comments too; I’m always fascinated by the whole “what if” question…I’d say you pretty much have the right idea…although you forgot to add that:

    -Your kids would be regulars at your gyno appts
    -Your Charliecard (T-pass) would always have more money than your bank card,
    -You would currently be a volunteer on at least 10 different Boards and Committees trying to pay back all the scholarships your kids get and…
    -You would live each day in a constant mental state of conflict; longing for the right man to come along but knowing that the day he does is the day you have to surrender the “Momarchy” and resort to shared power again…OY!

    …but hey, it does have its perks…for one, both of your kids would be doing their own laundry by now 🙂

    and the gym membership? LOL! Definitely no time for batteries ever 🙂

  6. …. how did i get here? is my first question. my only fantasy on this issue takes me down the dark road of g’s terrible death wherein the only (is it possible?) positive outcome would be the enormous load of cash i would aquire. i cannot imagine living in the city where i was born, even if it would mean easy, free childcare. and this here is my tribe, so, money. lots of it. but i dont see much else changing. how on earth would i find energy to go to meet guys – even if i wanted to? and struggle through all the cigarette smoke? eeech. i would be fit by way of necessity: lawnmowing, digging, transplanting, and yes, chainsawing. all the laundry up and down the stairs. not that i dont do this now (okay, not NOW) but in this scenario, i’d obviously do it all. it can be done – my role model was a single mom of two daughters. it’s what everybody does when there’s nobody else: you do the work. it’s what you do now! and i second E – there was serious power in our all-female house. it was clear, though she was hot and dated, that mom didnt want to surrender her She-Ra status!

  7. I should have specified that I’d be a single mom due to parthenogenis. This way nobody has to die in my fantasy.

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