Notes from a Late-Bloomer

As it turns out I was conserving energy.  Every Friday and Saturday in the hours before dawn I awake with a start.  The nightmare is the same:  I’ve slept through all of my music classes, children are crying, families are leaving, urgent messages blink on the machine and my head spins plausible exuses.  In three years of teaching I’m hard pressed to find a single music day that hasn’t started this way.  If this were high school I’d be a junior now and my brain, a shrunken piece of charred gristle.  One must conclude I daydreamed my way through early schooling because investing in it would have killed me for sure!  The educators who believed in me despite my laziness all said the same thing: wait and see, she’s probably a late-bloomer.     

Another recurring nightmare once plagued me.  I would shoot straight up in bed, look around and find myself in the bedroom of my youth.  All would be as it was, as if I’d never left – never drove solo across the country or lived in California, never met TonyC – my entire life had been a dream.  The sound of sobs would rouse me then a hand on my back, “It’s ok, you’re dreaming,” TonyC would whisper.  And I cry for relief – it was real and I am here.  The dream stopped when we moved to this house.           

I know some of you are shy and prefer emailing me instead of posting, but I’m asking you to share your thoughts if you can.  What do your stress dreams look like?

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5 responses to “Notes from a Late-Bloomer

  1. I have nightmares on occasion. It’s always the same… there is a killer in the house and he is after me. The whole dream is spent trying to escape him. It is very intense and very detailed and real. I always wake up and there are knots in my stomach and I am terrified. I have to actually get up and do something, because if I go rihgt back to sleep it continues.
    I also dream about rats alot. Lots and lots of rats.
    I also dreamt I slept with our Marketing Director at work.
    But I don’t seem to have that one dream that repeats itself about something real in my life. I never dream about my kids or that something is taken away from me.
    Oh, when I was pregnate, I dreamt that I gave birth to a stick. I wrapped it in a blanket and cried.
    Are these stress dreams or am I just a freak??
    jb

  2. my nightmares are always the same. someone/something is out to get me or us. i am in charge of saving everyone. i am usually the only one who sees the “monster” – whatever form it takes – for what it is. this in itself is exhausting, frustrating and bewildering. the rest of the dream is horrific at times and i always wake up in a sweat, staring at my husband thinking, yes, he really is sound asleep. maybe if i breathe louder? nothing. i go back to sleep.

    another nightmare that has also become a recurrence: i find a friend – a true kindred spirit – who will eventually, one day, walk away from me for her own best interests. i never know how this will happen, but it does. and i’m alone.

    i’ve had both dreams recently so maybe there’s a connection to being alone? standing alone? strength in solitude? seeing things for what they are?

  3. I am late for an event, and usually it is an event that requires my presence: leading a part of a class, directing a singing group in a concert, picking up my kids from somewhere, etc. In the course of trying to get wherever, I must use many different forms of transportation- at least two per dream. These have included motorcycles, roller coasters, cars, bicycles- almost always something with wheels, I don’t ever remember using a boat or a plane. Sometimes I am the driver, sometimes I am the passenger, but I am never in the back seat. The last stretch of getting to my destination often includes speed walking (as it seems I am usually somewhere that running is not allowed: school, concert location, and the like.) Much of the time, I make it with minutes to spare but the panic of almost not making it pulses on.

  4. For a long time I had a stressful nightmare that my boyfriend would catch me in the act with someone else. In the nightmare I am always with the most unlikely candidates, people I would never imagine cheating with. It always ends with me searching for the boyfriend, chasing him from place to place, in order to make things right. Horrible stressful dream. Please no analysis of this, it’s pretty clear why I was having it!

    I also ocassionally dream I am trapped in prison for a crime I didn’t commit.

  5. Stephanie Brazil Boulay

    I’ve never posted anything on the web, but this dream stuff is pretty interesting, and it’s kinda like talking to a friend of a friend, right?

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