Hump! 2011

HUMP! 2011 : another slutastic adventure for porn-lovers! This film festival fills me with the warm-fuzzies. Big Bananafish love to the wildly imaginative work received by a wildly enthusiastic audience Saturday night. A few things have changed over the years in Portland. As that first crowd shuffled into Cinema 21 for HUMP! 5 there was a tension in not knowing if we’d spy a friend or neighbor a few rows away never mind on screen. By HUMP! 6 we raced in with joyful anticipation (mine cut short due to a certain ambulance ride I’m not supposed to mention, which we’re still paying for). But this year marked a huge leap forward for the Northwest’s best and biggest amateur porn film festival.  HUMP! 7 had sponsors (Ninkasi Brewing Company and She Bop), beer, and a rush ticket line! Portlanders do love our independent porn and all the more when it’s locally produced.

My band of cohorts included twelve virgins and four veterans. We laughed, gasped and cheered for the wonderful, ambitious, naughty artists who brought us their brave new works. When it was over we agreed with hundreds of other buzzing audience members that Best In Show should go to Teenage Dream (a Glee-inspired spoof involving a nerd, a locker room and a naked basketball team). Other festival favorites were Mythical Proportions (in which real women confront and dispel the shame of their passion for Centaurs with the aid of crude stop motion magic), Go Fuck Yourself (Tom is visited by his future self who says they must fuck in order to save the universe), and One Night Only (Dance-Diva extraordinaire, Waxie Moon, in a beautiful tribute to the allure of so-many-penises and so-little-time). No anal hooks again this year. There was a funnel, but knowing it was staged somehow undermined its gasp-factor (better to leave us guessing next time). Instead of talking about what made each film interesting (Atari joysticks, lightsabers, a chinchilla, donut filling, a knife) – for dirty details click here and/or here – I have a few small requests for the organizers of Hump! 2012…

- A census form. I want to know who we are, because A. it’s fascinating, and B. I’d like to be able to spew some official HUMP! data at future dinner parties. If we can handle those uncomfortable pencils I’m sure we can manage another piece of paper or, better yet, print on the back of the ballot sheets and have people  fill them out before the show, results to be published along with the festival winners.

- Better tee shirts! It’s not that I want my HUMP! love enshrouded in secrecy, but can’t you come up with a clever logo that would enable me to show my support without having to explain it to my children? Some of us have reasons to be discreet (“I Got HUMPed!” doesn’t work in the class room for example), but we’re every bit as humpthusiastic as the next perv.

- An archive of links to HUMP! films (for filmmakers who choose to go public) because, seriously, I cannot search for them without falling down a porn rabbit hole.  A little help, please.

- Novelty items. Here’s the thing. I realize this is a dear, sweet, independent festival; I’m not suggesting anyone commercialize the fucker with tchotchkes from China. All I’m saying is I like to spread the word by gifting far-away peeps, peeps who want to get their HUMP! on, but can’t. More tee shirt choices just might do the trick, but I’m not opposed to a coffee mug either.

That’s about it.

During the year I’ll be fantasizing about all the amateur porn films I’d like to write and direct, hashing-out concepts with friends over beers and texts, discussing ethical casting practices, and eagerly awaiting word of HUMP! 2012.  In the meantime, keep those cameras rolling, Humpers – your sex-genius mini-porn might be only a few strokes away!

Occupy Portland Maintains Peace as Police Clear Encampments

In an extraordinary display of patience and solidarity the stand-off between Occupy Portland and the Portland Police Bureau has thus remained peaceful. Preliminary reports speculated downtown streets were crowded with up to 5,000 supporters, many of whom were not residents of the Occupy Portland Encampment (which was ordered to vacate public parks by midnight last night). It was not the Tiananmen Square massacre the media blitz had prepared for all day.

Big media and its ability to control and spin information has been a bone of contention throughout Occupy protests. In an interview with Portland Police Lieutenant, Robert King, around 1am this morning a TV reporter relentlessly attempted to sensationalize the stand-off. Lieutenant King remained on-point with the message that protestors were in fact peaceful and had given no reason for anyone to believe the stand-off would escalate to violence. The reporter further provoked him by emphasizing that the deadline had passed yet there were still thousands of protestors present. The same question was asked over and over, the subtext of which was: Yes, but when will you start kicking them out? At what time will you force them to leave? How will you physically remove them? An unflappable Lieutenant King reiterated his belief that people would voluntarily vacate the area as the hours passed, the police would give them the space to do so and that they would remain generally peaceful. He was right. The city’s intention is not to stop Occupy Portland, but to merely end the encampment part of it and restore the parks to their original state. I cannot vouch for the authenticity of this, but there was mention of several preventative actions the city took in the preceding days to ensure a peaceful transition. Another officer recounted two remarkable incidents he witnessed in the early hours. A policeman was struck and injured by a projectile from the crowd, but rather inciting a flashpoint for violence Occupiers pushed the man who threw the object to the open street where he was apparently taken away. Additionally, a scuffle erupted amongst two protestors who were immediately encircled by a crowd chanting, “Peace! Peace! Peace!” until the fight came to an end.

Currently the situation downtown remains tense, but non-violent as police remove the last of the hold-out shelters. The majority of Occupiers have willingly dismantled their tents and are working together to leave no trace. The city has provided dump trucks and there is still a strong police presence. In the coming days and weeks there will be an opportunity for solidarity in the park restoration effort. Occupiers are already talking about donating grass seeds and shrubbery to the parks which became encampments. Though the movement has not been without its challenges and distractions, overall it has been a success. I heartily commend both sides for exercising tolerance and restraint in the last twenty-four hours. I hope it remains peaceful.

To find out what’s next for Occupy Portland, view a live stream of the scene and support independent media visit their website. We have a voice. We can make a difference. Peace.

Halloween Costume Ban Follow-Up

The controversy this topic stirred-up has taken everyone by surprise including our principal. Like me, he has been subjected to a host of reactions ranging from indifferent to outraged. Online I’ve been I’ve been told I should focus on more important issues, instead of blogging I should volunteer, that my motives have been selfish and misguided. Here is the actual chain of events for your review…

1. Two parents (myself included) wrote letters of complaint, the same two parents who complained last year and vowed to fight the ban on costumes. (I believe, with so many other school issues at hand, our complaints were honestly forgotten as opposed to ignored).

2. The response to our complaints indicated that the case was closed, there would be no room for negotiation or compromise.

3. We started a petition (as we said we would) to see if others felt the same way we felt. They did.

4. I published a post on Bananafish (a blog I write amid spilled drinks, potty emergencies, endless drop-off’s and pick-up’s, soccer, music, and more – I hardly believe there’s a volunteer position that can accommodate these circumstances).

5. Bananafish was then linked to several news sites thus creating a public platform for a series of heated debates.

It’s important to note that I was not the person who contacted the newspaper nor was the famed Sarah Nagy. But guess what, over two hundred petitioners getting no recognition is a story! Generally, those numbers merit at least a nod.

Our nod came two days ago in the latest installment of our school newsletter. Per special addendum, our principal offered some points of clarification (several of which are newly listed and make more sense to me) as to why there will be no costumes at school this year. Buckman students will be expected to dress within the parameters of the PPS dress code on Halloween. Lucky for us, we’re art school. Our principal writes, “Every day we encourage our children to celebrate their uniqueness and individuality.” Kids with dyed hair and feather-weaves, capes and mismatched knee socks, are often seen roaming our halls. A few extra witches and warlocks will hardly make a difference. Some families have said they’ll allow their children to wear whatever they choose on Halloween. Others are talking about avoiding school altogether to celebrate their holiday. According to one PPS source a single day of high absenteeism will have little impact on our funding. No matter what your course of action is, I hope it will be carried out with respect for all.

What remains crystal clear (and for me most frustrating) is that there seems to be a relatively small group of people making decisions on my behalf. Site Council is a group of nine volunteers. Seeking public opinion is not part of its function. I desperately want to participate in the decision-making process (as I’m sure many others do) and though I faithfully read our newsletters, I have no idea where and when these decisions are being made. Many of us can’t attend PTA and/or special events meetings. But we all deserve to have our say. This “fiasco” as one commenter calls it might seem like small potatoes, but if several dozen parents can’t get a word in regarding Halloween costumes in a Portland Public School, how in the world are any of us ever going to change corruption on Wall Street?

We are but a microcosm. And that fact is not up for debate.